Friday, November 22, 2013

A leap of Faith

My heart is overflowing, and my mind is exploding... 
I sit here in the vastness of our creator, and I am in complete awe that he choose me for this journey in life.
 Me? Why me?

 I ponder this often- not for any negative reasons or impulses you might be quick to think of,
 but questioning "WHY ME", because of the vast blessings and life changes He has sent my way.
"Why do I deserve to have this abundant, blessing overflowing life?" 
"Why am I the one that gets to see God's hand work in and around my life, day in and day out, time and time again?"
I don't deserve it. I know I don't deserve to be where I am today...  but by God's AMAZING grace- 

I am here. 
I am alive. 
and by nothing but His saving grace- 
I have a Christ Filled Journey ahead....

What has set me off this time you may wonder?!? 

Well, I have to be honest with you... at first- I did not want to tell anyone... I wanted to go- see God's hand work, then come back home, proclaim God's Glory, and tell everyone how wonderful He was... 
Yeah- pathetic... I know...  
But wouldn't that be simpler?
 Wouldn't it be easy just to tell everyone about the positive results, and not have to face the negative relm, if there is any?
 Isn't it easier to go do something, then tell others about it after you return- 
just incase it does not work out?

 Have you ever experienced this?!? 

BUT- I simply can not do that. I can not keep this to my-self.

 I have to tell..
 I have to share...
God is tugging at my heart strings, telling me to proclaim His good works.
 He is leading me to share this journey with everyone. 
It is scary. Very scary....
I am laying my heart out on the line. I am opening up and sharing with you a very personal leap of faith.... 
Rejection, I do not like rejection-
but I embrace the comfort in knowing this journey is from God.
He knows. 
These next few months are all but a glimmer of sunlight in His eyes. 
He is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. 


A leap of faith. 

A long airplane ride. 
A stand in Christ. 
A tip to a foreign country. 
A journey to a land far away.  
An adventure that will bring healing and health to my daughters, and to my family.  


A trip to El Salvador.

Yes- El Salvador. 
as in the country SOUTH of Mexico. 
Because God is calling us there....
He has opened the opportunity for us to accompany friends that are natives of the country, to seek healing for our daughters. 
We have known about this for the past few years. 
The opportunity has always been there, 
but we have NEVER felt a calling/ peace to act upon it. 
UNTIL recently....
We have feverently prayed for peace... 
Prayed for clear direction... 
We have prayed God would provide a way for us to go... 
and we now are on our way.

Do I understand?


Can I explain everything? 


In fact, 

I probably sound like a crazy person... 

Who WANTS to leave 3 children behind for 2+ weeks? 

Who WANTS to go to a country that is on the verge of another civil war?
Who WANTS to accept the financial ramifications of flying across the country? 

Ummm... Not me! - I don't want any of that...
BUT- I do want to be obedient to God's calling...
I yearn to be a ship at sea- guided by his wind and waves... 

I want to see the goodness He has in store for my family....
So therefore- 

It will be the 4 of us: Casey, Denalli, Ryka and I. 
We will fly out on Christmas day. 
Casey will fly back after 1 week or so. 
Natosha, Denalli and Ryka will stay in El Salvador until January 11th.
Then, Natosha will fly back into SLC with Denalli and Ryka.
January 13th- Ryka will have her Trial Study Check up in SLC.  
then POSSIBLY- Denalli will start her Drug Trial Study again- which could potentially take another 2+ weeks in SLC.... (by the way- the FDA gave the "green light" go ahead on the ISIS Drug... PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!! Now we have to wait for a few more approvals of the study, then we will be notified when Denalli can be re-injected with the drug. Thank you JESUS~) 
The mama and the 2 girls could potentially be gone anywhere from 3 weeks to over 1 month... 

MY, OH MY........

Am I ready for this?!? 


 - Not yet at least. 

I do have peace... please don't get me wrong. 
I know in my heart, this is the journey we are ment to travel.....
but my head and my heart are fighting once again... 

I don't know how to get past the ache that I feel, when I think about leaving my kids. 
Especially when I think about leaving them for such an extended period of time...
I pray they will understand... 
I pray they will not grow bitter... 
I pray God's Grace will surround them....

I pray. 

I am thankful. 

I am blessed beyond measure... 

-Jesus Calling for Kids by Sarah Young- 
"Think of your life as an adventure, with Me as your Guide and Companion. Don't worry about where our path will lead tomorrow - just live in the adventure of today. Keep your mind on staying close to Me."